WAKEFIELD, Va. — The National Weather Service in Wakefield, Virginia has issued a severe thunderstorm warning for nearly all of the central & eastern regions of the state. At 3 p.m., doppler radar indicated a massive severe thunderstorm that can’t be reasoned with nor bargained with crossing the Shenandoah valley, traveling southeast. This storm, which is unable to feel any kind of pity or remorse or fear, will likely produce damaging winds and possible tornadoes, causing widespread electrical outages. “It’s clear that this is a very tough and fully armored infiltration derecho,” remarked 8News affiliate David Reynolds. “The upper wall is a hyperalloy combat chassis that cannot be stopped with conventional meteorological weaponry.” Expert meteorologists have advised residents to vacate from its projected path and seek shelter, as this derecho absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.