KILMARNOCK, Va. — Many parts of the Northern Neck, Hampton Roads area, and the Piedmont region continue to battle localized flooding thanks to the actions of God, who had recently acted in response to numerous prayers by bringing massive rainfall amounts throughout the state.
Over the course of the past two weeks, Virginia has seen moderate amounts of heavy rainfall, with moments of sunshine few and far between. Many areas have experienced severe flash flooding as a result.
Many of whom have fallen victim to the weather have cursed Mother Nature for not letting up. However, The Almighty himself has recently come forward in defense of her, claiming responsibility for the continuous rain.
In a recent tweet from the clouds above, God took the blame for the weather, remarking “I was just trying to answer the many wishes and prayers I’ve received over the summer.” He continued to justify his healing efforts, noting that “nearly every prayer I get has to do with two things: getting that promotion at work, and ending the drought. Ask, and ye shall receive. Most of the time.”
When a few people criticized that he should’ve been more careful with the rainfall amounts, The All Knowing defended his actions, responding that, “Perhaps you all should’ve been more specific on where exactly you wanted the rain. Next thing you know, they’ll blame the obesity epidemic on me when I answer prayers to feed the hungry.”
He closed his comments by advising everyone to simply “stick with asking for forgiveness.”