FDA Announces Sugar Shack Donuts As Official Food Group

SILVER SPRING, Md. – Following a lengthy study on the nutritional value and effects of Richmond’s famous Sugar Shack Donuts, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced this week that the popular pastry brand has officially been declared a food group. In a statement from their main office in Maryland, FDA spokesperson Michael Swisher noted that the “larger amounts of dietary fat and sugar, if taken in moderation, as being incredibly beneficial to one’s health and well-being,” and that the term “moderation,” in this case, meant “one a day, taken in small increments from morning to night.” In addition to the ingredients that make up the donut, the FDA also cited the mental effects that come with sudden cravings. “Look, you can’t see one of these sugary marvels in a box and NOT want one,” Swisher continued.

“In multiple studies, we found the effects that came with simply ‘not eating one’ may be harmful towards your attitude and state of mind. In every instance, when the subject ate a donut, he/she showed improved mental capacity and showed reduced signs of depression, stress, and tension.”  The FDA has communicated to the USDA about the news; the USDA has yet to make a statement regarding where Sugar Shack will end up in most listings, but a source within the department noted that “it will almost definitely fall between fruits and vegetables.”