Man Prepares For Fatherhood By Cradling Breakfast Burrito

SPRINGFIELD, Va. – Nothing changes a family dynamic quite like pregnancy will. The decision to be a parent is not a light one, and has been known to cause the impending parents-to-be to freak out. No more was that true than with local Ross Harvey, whose wife, Sally, had contracted a sexually-transmitted baby. All that apprehension was abated when Sally gave him a breakfast burrito one morning to enjoy.

“Before, whenever anybody tried to give me a baby to hold, I would always refuse, then apologize and tell them I was a vegetarian,” he said. “But when my wife brought home a massive steak egg and cheese burrito from the Tequila Mockingbird down the road, I completely changed my mind and it was as if a sudden miracle rested in my arms. I haven’t let go of this little burrito all morning.”

Sally said, “We were starting to think we weren’t ever going to have this baby. I don’t drink, but I was already getting to the age where everyone I came across assumed that was because I was pregnant and not that I was underage. It made me feel real down about not being a mother yet.”

The Peedmont checked back on this story later that day, and Ross had consumed his food baby in a bout of carelessness.