Supreme Court Accepts Bob McDonnell’s “Get Out Of Jail Free” Monopoly Card

WASHINGTON — In a preliminary hearing through the appeals court Wednesday, the Supreme Court formally accepted former Virginia governor Bob McDonnell’s first piece of evidence in his ongoing corruption case: a signature “Get Out Of Jail Free” Monopoly card.

McDonnell’s defense team’s usage of the Monopoly card is the first piece of evidence they’ve submitted since June, when the Supreme Court vacated the initial guilty verdict that McDonnell was convicted of in September 2014 for his bribery allegations. The case began in 2013, when McDonnell was accused of taking money & gifts in exchange for promoting a dietary supplement.

The trademark Monopoly card was shown with support from the defense that “McDonnell also did not pass ‘Go’ nor did he subsequently collect $200 of un-taxed money and/or gifts from private businesses & financial institutions. These facts indicate that Mr. McDonnell acted in legal right & has not violated any laws in doing so.”

A somewhat-relieved McDonnell spoke to reporters after the hearing: “I’m proud to announce that my perfectly legal & justified ‘Get Out Of Jail Free’ card was accepted by the Courts today. This represents a clear victory in our legal system, exemplifying a solid protocol of our Constitution.”

The former governor’s counsel could not be reached for comment. It’s been speculated that additional pieces of evidence he plans to submit includes Hungry Hungry Hippo asset portfolio statements that prove his earnings were accumulated legally with no sense of corruption.

McDonnell continued: “Maureen and I are happy to be one step closer in bringing this chapter of our lives to a close.” A source close to couple also mentioned that they plan to celebrate by “heading down to their Park Place mansions next to the Boardwalk.”