News Peed

Hampton Grandmother Run Over By Minivan With Reindeer Antlers

HAMPTON, Va. – In an unbelievable twist of irony and unfortunate circumstance, Hampton resident and grandmother of four Ethel Cassidy was hit by a minivan topped with decorative reindeer antlers.

The incident, which occurred on Queen Street yesterday, has fortunately not proved fatal, as Cassidy is expected to make a full recovery. According to one witness, “She was just crossing the street and then out of nowhere came this grand caravan blasting ‘Little Drummer Boy’ decked with those brown reindeer antlers. I don’t think the driver saw her until the last minute—he was kind of late on the brakes.”

In a bedside interview at the hospital, Cassidy spoke about the incident, commenting that “she was grateful to be alive and with minimal injuries.” She also mentioned that the minivan was not only outfitted with the antlers but also had a big red bubble-like dot on the front engine grill, as if it was Rudolph’s nose. “I guess Rudolph doesn’t brake for anyone.” Cassidy is expected to make a full recovery.

Reports have been unable to confirm the identity of the driver, but multiple witnesses described the driver as a heavy-set Caucasian male, at least 60 years of age with a long, white beard, and wearing a large red coat and stocking hat, a description that fits the bill for Kris Kringle who is more commonly known as Santa Claus.

However, authorities have confirmed that Mr. Kringle has provided an alibi that has relieved him of any connection to the incident. Kringle could not be reached for comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: