Donald Trump Vows To Make Henrico’s West End Great Again

NEW YORK, NY – While during an impromptu press release at Trump Tower in New York City, President-elect Donald Trump has announced a new mission for his time in office: to make the West End of Henrico County great again.

“Henrico – Glen Allen, Short Pump, everywhere – was once a truly great place to be. Absolutely great, really. You had friendly people, barbecues, and easy shopping everywhere. It was wonderful,” he remarked during his statement. “But the mood out there isn’t the same anymore. These days all you see are places that close before 11pm and horrible, fake restaurants that think they’re something ‘special.’ And some, I assume, are nice places. But guys like Chuy’s Mexican Restaurant are not sending you their best chips & salsa.”

Henrico’s West End area has seen rapid growth and development since the turn of the century, with the addition of numerous retail shops, restaurants, and businesses. However, the area has been the subject of criticism by many who claim the growth is heading in the wrong direction.

Trump himself has made no secret of his resentment towards Henrico. Last month, he took to Twitter to complain about a dining experience at Carrabba’s Italian Grill, accusing the restaurant of serving him pasta sauce that tasted like tap water: “Carrabba’s Short Pump does not know how to treat their customers. Typical Henrico experience, even for the losers out there. Apologize!”

He has also expressed displeasure of the surrounding Tuckahoe, Laurel, and Dumbarton districts, citing an influx of new residents (many of whom are foreign immigrants & their families) overpopulating the area. “They’re taking our houses and our jobs, and we aren’t going to stand for it,” he continued. “We’re going to take back our real estate and create the best living conditions you’ve ever seen.”

Many Henrico locals have responded positively to his new announcement, including those who voted against him. Cheryl Preston, a Wyndham resident, praised the move in a recent Facebook post: “I didn’t vote for him, but I’d rather him send troops to the Short Pump Towne Center than the Middle East.”

When asked what his specific plans were to restore the West End to its original splendor, Trump did not give a direct plan. He did, however, discuss potential contacts that would be involved with the area’s improvements.

“I know all the best developers. We’re developing a committee of the best developers to make Henrico a truly amazing place again.”