HENRICO, Va. — It’s been a snow day filled with discouragement for local snowman Nippy, who is frustrated and disenchanted that neighborhood kids have chosen to spend a snow day inside on their laptops, phones, and other electronic devices, sources confirmed Sunday.
Speaking with passersby, Nippy commented on the predicament he found himself in. “I’m out here all by myself because these damn kids would rather stay on the couch and snapchat dogfaces to each other. I’d rather have a rabbit chew my carrot nose off than do that. I bet that’d make for a good selfie, no?”
After a major weather system dumped significant amounts of snow throughout the state on Sunday, the Arnest family came together and built Nippy in the front lawn of their West End home, who soon came to life through traditional, old fashioned magic.
However, he later found himself deserted in the yard as the children then retreated into the house for an afternoon of Netflix and Xbox Live.
“Remember the good ol’ days?” ” a sullen Nippy reminisced. “When children would come together in the snowy streets and engage in snowball fights that inevitably landed a few stitches on some unlucky kid’s eye? Man, what a jolly time that was.”
“I haven’t seen anyone sledding today, and only two people have painfully slipped on ice. That’s gotta be a record low,” he added.
Susan Barrows, a neighbor of the Arnest family, claimed that while she enjoyed the bliss that came with winter weather, it was ultimately a more viable option to remain inside. “Sure, the snow is really nice and all, but, like, it’s really cold outside. And I’ve got Netflix, so there’s that.”
In addition to the amenities that indoors living has to offer, Nippy is also up against the weather, which is expected to bring slightly warmer temperatures into the area this coming week. However, he shrugged off any meteorological threat. “At this point, the sooner I melt the better. Besides, the scarf they threw on me is absolutely hideous.”