REPORT: Everyone Has The Day Off Today Except You

VIRGINIA – In the wake of the winter storm that has affected nearly all of Virginia, reports are coming in that everyone in the state has the day off today except you. Due to icy roads, bridges, and sidewalks, every county has made the decision to close their schools today, with the exception of the county you reside in, which will be opening on time. It’s also been leaked that every university and college will be closed Monday; however, after a lengthy five minute meeting, your school’s administration has decided to open as regularly scheduled. In addition to the education sector, all businesses and professional organizations will be closed today. Nonetheless, your boss has assured you that the parking lot has been cleared, and she’ll see you at 8am. In a recent statement, Governor Terry McAuliffe advised everyone to use caution when using the roads today, “especially you, during your morning and evening commute.”