News Peed

Richard Spencer Disappointed In Lack Of Alt-Right Merchandise At Potomac Mills

ARLINGTON, Va. – After spending hours and hours scavenging through the massive Potamac Mills shopping center, reports are coming in that Richard Spencer, a figurehead in the modern “alt-right” movement, was having trouble finding proper attire in the mall’s many stores. “This is truly, truly disappointing,” said a frustrated Spencer as he was leaving. “I just wasted three hours in a place that I thought had everything; yet none of the numerous stores had any modern gear that would properly suit white identity.” Spencer apparently visited the mall in search of various articles of clothing and materials that brandished alt-right propaganda and literature. “I found a dozen shops selling USA Today and NY Times publications, but no Brietbart? This liberal filth institute is a wasteland in a nationalist world. I couldn’t even find a #FreeMilo bumper sticker or a coffee mug with that little bulls-eye logo on it.” Even though he walked from his shopping spree empty-handed, Spencer remains confident that he’ll eventually find what he’s looking for, noting that he “can always just shop online and pay shipping costs, or just check out the inauguration this coming Friday. Both will suffice.”

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