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Surprise Inauguration Lineup Includes Ghost of Benito Mussolini, Lenny Kravitz’s Brother

WASHINGTON, DC – The Trump transition team released a last minute lineup of guest speakers and performers for today’s inauguration, surprising both inauguration attendees and the awaiting press. A complete list of speakers is below:

Speakers:

  • Kevin Federline

  • Gallagher (speaking, not performing)

  • Live prison chat from Adnan Syed

  • Tanya Harding spoken word

  • Ghost of Benito Mussolini

  • Panel Discussion with Robert Mugabe, Bashar al-Assad, Rodrigo Duterte, & Jeff Bezos

  • Troy Landry, from History Channel’s Swamp People

  • Famed & deceased Nazi filmmaker Leni Riefenstahl

  • Ted Nugent, who was booked too late to actually perform but was given a time slot for speaking about the Second Amendment

 Performers:

  • Levy Kravitz’s older brother, Dave

  • Cast of Broadway’s Cats

  • Resurrected 5th Confederate Infantry Division Marching Band

  • Probably someone that died in 2016

  • Only one of the Pips

  • Jeff Koons auctioning off a balloon

  • Michael Richards

  • Slash, assuming he gets lost and accidentally wanders onstage during Ted Nugent’s set

  • The half of Milli Vanilli that is still alive

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