Surprise Inauguration Lineup Includes Ghost of Benito Mussolini, Lenny Kravitz’s Brother

WASHINGTON, DC – The Trump transition team released a last minute lineup of guest speakers and performers for today’s inauguration, surprising both inauguration attendees and the awaiting press. A complete list of speakers is below:

Speakers:

• Kevin Federline

• Gallagher (speaking, not performing)

• Live prison chat from Adnan Syed

• Tanya Harding spoken word

• Ghost of Benito Mussolini

• Panel Discussion with Robert Mugabe, Bashar al-Assad, Rodrigo Duterte, & Jeff Bezos

• Troy Landry, from History Channel’s Swamp People

• Famed & deceased Nazi filmmaker Leni Riefenstahl

• Ted Nugent, who was booked too late to actually perform but was given a time slot for speaking about the Second Amendment

 Performers:

• Levy Kravitz’s older brother, Dave

• Cast of Broadway’s Cats

• Resurrected 5th Confederate Infantry Division Marching Band

• Probably someone that died in 2016

• Only one of the Pips

• Jeff Koons auctioning off a balloon

• Michael Richards

• Slash, assuming he gets lost and accidentally wanders onstage during Ted Nugent’s set

• The half of Milli Vanilli that is still alive