Counter Culture Teen Willing To Give Tysons Corner A Chance

STAFFORD, Va. – After exhausting all possible shopping options that could tailor to his gloomy yet rebellious image, area teenager Jason Hoover has reportedly decided to give shopping mecca Tysons Corner a chance. Tysons Corner is home to two large shopping malls – Tysons Galleria and Tysons Corner Center – and Hoover remains optimistic that one of them will provide the gothy-punk accessories he often has trouble finding. “This dump is supposed to have everything, I swear it better be more than just a couple of Hot Topics,” Hoover remarked in a recent interview. “I’m all out of my options around Fredericksburg and was hoping I wouldn’t have to venture into this destitute wasteland of capitalist grime.” Before leaving his Stafford residence for the mega-malls, Hoover apparently researched the stores in the area, primarily looking for thrift stores and used record shops, but did not have much luck in his findings. “I kept on seeing this ‘Prada’ shop and thought it was related to that ‘Devil Wears Prada’ band, but instead it was just some women’s boutique shop. Whatever. Maybe I’ll get lucky and find someone’s old Joy Division shirt somewhere.”