ALEXANDRIA, Va. – After wandering through numerous residential neighborhoods and buzzing streets, a perplexed whitetail deer is wondering how in the living hell it ended up in the city of Alexandria. “I honestly don’t know how this could’ve happened,” the deer shrugged in a recent interview. “I remember that earlier this week I was grazing at Big Meadows, and then took off running when some hiker tried to take a selfie with me. Before I knew it, boom! Suddenly I’m surrounded by this metropolis of wealthy looking townhouses and condos.” While details remain sketchy, some rumors are claiming that the stag originated near the Old Rag trail in the Blue Ridge Mountains, which is an estimated 100 mile journey to Alexandria’s suburbs. In addition to the confusion, the deer has also shown a general distaste for the scenario as a whole. “This is very baffling – and quite frankly, it sucks over here. The people are a riot; some of them freak out like they’ve never seen Bambi before.” Multiple eyewitness accounts have noted that the buck has mostly remained hidden in nearby woods, only to emerge at night to investigate unsuspecting headlights from approaching motorists.