WAKEFIELD, Va. – Following yet another weekend of unusually warm temperatures across the Commonwealth, leading meteorologists at the National Weather Service (NWS) have announced that they still have no idea what else the winter has in store. “It was hot last weekend, and then it got cold again during the week, and then bang — warm again this weekend. We’re pretty much at a total loss at this point,” commented meteorologist Michelle Lynch. “The last time we even looked at the European model it just shrugged and then blew a circuit. And this was after we upgraded from Windows 95.” The consistent temperature changes have caused confusion not only within the NWS but with local news outlets as well. Speaking on behalf of WRIC 8News, anchor Ted Truman questioned “Could it be global warming? Or, perhaps, El Niño? Your guess is as good as ours.” At the time of reporting, it was revealed that the NWS has gone as far as to sacrifice a goat in a ritualistic fashion to their Doppler radar system as a last-ditch effort plea for answers.