RICHMOND, Va. – After analyzing numerous market trends and data spanning the 20th century, leading economists at Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) announced today that the art scene in Richmond will “likely still be struggling, desperate, and barely making it 50 years from now.” Simon Walters, an economics professor at the VCU School of Business, based his prediction on historical data, predictive models, and the fact that “unfortunately, pretty much no one buys anything at the First Fridays Artwalk.” Among the most impactful datasets were the general lack of demand for portraits of artist’s neighbors or dogs and the fact that “old money” in Richmond has terrible taste in contemporary art. The theory of insignificant demand was further supported in the conclusion of the study, which stated “the fact that First Fridays is the only time anyone goes to an art gallery not called the VMFA proves that the art scene in Richmond, while intriguing and casually appealing, is not viable for survival.”
The study did note certain factors that could potentially reverse the trend and drive success for the Richmond art scene. For example, more funding could be found if the rich stopped buying colonial paintings of horses, and there would be broader appeal if artists retired video installations altogether. Overall, however, the best way to help the community thrive would be more nude art. A lot more.