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Attorney General Jeff Sessions Denies Ever Having Lunch At Secret Sandwich Society

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Trump administration’s Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, issued a statement this morning denying recent allegations that he had eaten lunch at Richmond restaurant Secret Sandwich Society. “I’ve never eaten at Secret Sandwich Society and I categorically deny ever trying their delicious, innovative sandwiches such as the Fillmore with eggplant or the Lafayette on a toasted brioche bun,” said Sessions in the statement. The accusations began early last week after reports surfaced that Sessions was seen dining at the local establishment with Russian ambassador Sergey Kislyak. “The nasty media is once again trying to wage war on the Trump administration with more false claims. If, in the future, I do decide to eat at Secret Sandwich Society, I would probably order the Quincy because of how much I love roast beef. If. IF!” As of press time Sessions was seen sneakily eating pimento cheese fries, a speciality of the restaurant, from his back pocket.

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