News Peed

Renowned Birdwatcher Mistakes Byrd Park for Bird Park; Disappointed in Richmond Visit

RICHMOND, Va.—Moping dejectedly in the parking lot of Byrd Park, Hal Hopkins, Maryland resident, sits on the back of his Subaru Outback with his arms crossed.

What should have been a productive day turned into disappointment for Hopkins, a famed birdwatcher who has been studying birds for over 20 years. This afternoon, he visited Byrd Park, confusing its name for “Bird Park,” thus giving him false hopes of various fowl to observe.

“I started birdwatching shortly after my retirement. I found this great bird watching organization, Official Birdwatchers of Maryland, in my area. Three years after I joined, I became president,” Hopkins explained, unable to conceal the spark of pride in his eyes while pointing to the president’s badge pinned to his cargo vest.

“Then I heard about this place, Bird Park, in Richmond and thought it would be a neat spot to check out and, maybe eventually, take my fellow birdwatchers. I plan outings sometimes, since I’m the president and everything,” Hopkins said, adjusting his badge.

Hopkins claimed that the highly anticipated park was a total washout that provided no rare species to view.

“I’ve been here since noon, and all I’ve seen are women with strollers and people jogging. Oh, and four individuals who didn’t pick up after their dogs, which should be a crime in my opinion. The only birds I saw were a bunch of robins and a wren. Pardon my language, but I see that poppycock in my own backyard all the time.”

“I gotta say, and please pardon my language again, but Richmond is really a big gosh darn letdown. I hope I can at least catch a good documentary at the Bird Theatre nearby.”

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