April 2017

State of Emergency Declared After Shrimp and Grits Shortage

RICHMOND, Va. — Earlier today, Governor Terry McAuliffe declared a state of emergency across Virginia following news of a looming shrimp and grits shortage. Heavy winds and recent droughts all culminated to limit current food resources, [read more ... ]

Corey Stewart Introduces Medicaid Plan Offering Leeches And Rusted Cutlery

HARRISONBURG, Va. — During a rally in downtown Harrisonburg yesterday, Republican gubernatorial candidate Corey Stewart unveiled his new, state-sponsored plan for health care, calling for the reintroduction of and reliance on medicinal leeches and [read more ... ]

NOVA Man’s Commute So Long He Claims Metro Train as Legal Residence

FAIRFAX, Va. — In a bold move, with potential legal ramifications that have yet to be fully realized, a Northern Virginia man has claimed a Metro train as his legal residence for tax purposes. “I crunched the numbers, and I realized I spend more [read more ... ]

Perfectly Healthy Tree Nervous About Rumors of New Monument

RICHMOND, Va — A healthy 38-year-old oak in a small grassy median at the head of a Fan intersection worries that its very existence could be threatened. Planted in the late 70s as part of a pro-arbor project sponsored by the city, this now sturdy [read more ... ]

Humanitarian Efforts Underway After Kings Dominion Volcano Erupts

DOSWELL, Va. — Tragedy struck the beloved Kings Dominion theme park this morning when, at approximately 10 a.m., the notorious Volcano roller coaster violently erupted, causing massive amounts of magma and volcanic ash to devastate the park. The [read more ... ]

Scientists Create Renewable Energy Out Of Cancelled Plans

BLACKSBURG, Va. — After years of lengthy research and experiments, leading scientists at Virginia Tech announced today that they’ve successfully developed renewable energy from the unstable forces of plans and events that were spontaneously [read more ... ]

Super Original Couple Gets Engagement Photos Taken in Garden Archway at Maymont

RICHMOND, Va. — Six months after the official marriage proposal, Richmond residents Lindsey Davis and Trevor Craig spent the day getting engagement photos taken at one of Richmond’s most popular outdoor spots, Maymont Park. Photos were taken by [read more ... ]

Engineering Student Discovers VCU Compass Does Not Point North

RICHMOND, Va. — While studying for an upcoming test in the open air of Virginia Commonwealth University’s famous Compass Plaza, junior engineering student Samantha Mayer noticed that something was amiss. “It was the shadows of the buildings [read more ... ]

Area Man Suffers Heart Attack While Dining at Shyndigz; Family Finishes Dessert Before Calling 911

RICHMOND, Va. — Local Richmond resident, Bob Calhoun, suffered a major heart attack last Thursday while dining at Fan bakery, Shyndigz. He was with his wife and two daughters when he claims he started feeling sharp chest pains and shortness of [read more ... ]