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Chesterfield County Jealous Of Henrico’s New Playground

MIDLOTHIAN, Va. — Following a decision by the Virginia Department of Conservation and Recreation, officials from Chesterfield County are reportedly displeased, dissatisfied, and downright envious of the Commonwealth’s decision to fund a gigantic playground in Henrico’s Deep Run Park instead of Chesterfield’s Matoaca Park.

The controversial announcement came after the Parks and Recreation Department from each county submitted competing proposals for playgrounds, requesting additional state funding. According to Virginia Department of Conservation and Recreation Director Clyde Cristman, both counties proposed plans for “really badass playgrounds that families all over the planet would travel to.” However, after a lengthy decision-making process they went with Henrico’s plan because of it’s “sick ropes course.”

Trent Kelley, a spokesperson for the Chesterfield Parks and Recreation Department, mentioned that the decision to deny funding for a killer new playground was both disappointing and unfair. “We’ve been applying for supplemental playground financing for years to no avail,” commented Kelley. “The fact that Henrico is getting one with a complex, multi-level jungle gym is simply inequitable and is evidence of bias in the state.”

According to information released by the Henrico committee, the new playground will feature monkey bars, multiple slides, and a monster truck tire swing, and officials from Chesterfield County will “totally not be allowed to come play on it.”

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