News Peed

NOVA Man’s Commute So Long He Claims Metro Train as Legal Residence

FAIRFAX, Va. — In a bold move, with potential legal ramifications that have yet to be fully realized, a Northern Virginia man has claimed a Metro train as his legal residence for tax purposes.

“I crunched the numbers, and I realized I spend more time on the Blue Line than I do at either my place of work or my home,” said former Springfield resident Matt Dondawitz. He claims that he made the discovery while stuck in a train car jam between Crystal City and Ronald Reagan National Airport on his way home to do his taxes.

“Some may see this as a protest of Metro commuter conditions, but I honestly take no umbrage with the fact that by the time I’m 45 I’ll have spent 1/4th of my life on a train,” Dondawitz shared.

He said that over the years, he’s developed a sophisticated yet convenient system that allows him to complete a variety of everyday tasks on the train, from things like reading and writing emails, to shaving and, in some cases, bathing. “After your first year you start to get in really good with the conductors on your shift,” Dondawitz said. “Pretty soon you’ll have access to the car maintenance rooms, which are just large enough for a quick sponge bath.”

When reached for comment, many Metro workers on the Blue Line were quick to praise Dondawitz, “Matt is a really good guy, he always leaves his seat better than he found it and even cleans up after messier riders; he’d be a great roommate.”

By reporting a Metro car as his legal residence on his taxes this year, Dondawitz says he hopes to fully embrace his “living situation” and is excited about the prospect of having it reflected on his driver’s license.

“To be clear, I’m in no way getting a break on my taxes by doing this,” he confessed. “In fact, holding residence on a mobile structure that moves between a state, district, and then back into a state is something of a paperwork nightmare.”

Dondawitz did confirm that he would be maintaining his Springfield townhouse as a weekend home.

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