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Scientists Create Renewable Energy Out Of Cancelled Plans

BLACKSBURG, Va. — After years of lengthy research and experiments, leading scientists at Virginia Tech announced today that they’ve successfully developed renewable energy from the unstable forces of plans and events that were spontaneously cancelled. The discovery is being hailed by the scientific community as a landmark achievement in the never-ending search for more renewable energy sources. Miguel Chavez, a theoretical physicist from VT who’s been leading the study dubbed “The Abrogate Project,” says that whenever plans are cancelled between two organic sources, highly negative energies are often released. After repeated experiments involving two human subjects, Steve Kiretsu and Christa Thaler, the team was able to finally harness said negative ener0gies. “We began experimenting with the fusing of particles from Steve flaking out on his friends last Tuesday with the isotopes from Christa calling in sick to work yesterday,” Chavez explained. “The combined elements of the cancellation released a highly kinetic energy that we were able stabilize enough to a controllable rate. At joules equivalent to √2 ≈ 3.1 m/s., we were able to successfully power a toaster for two hours.” Chavez concluded his statement by revealing prospective future experiments involving a Tinder date no-show and an aborted Thanksgiving dinner, the latter of which may eventually be handled by VT’s nuclear energy lab.

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