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Chesterfield Becomes “Sanctuary City” for RVA Bigots Wanting to Leave Downtown

CHESTERFIELD, Va. — During a collaborative Chesterfield County and Richmond City Council meeting on Tuesday, members unanimously voted to make Chesterfield a sanctuary city for Richmond residents who feel that their bigoted attitudes are stifled.

“We live in a state of free thinking and unbiased opinion, and we want residents to feel entitled to their own chauvinistic and close-minded views,” said Governor Terry McAuliffe.

Under the new decree, Richmond residents are able to travel out to Chesterfield, where they can remain for an indefinite amount of time. They will be supplied with a Confederate flag, a Bible, and a membership to the NRA. Sanctuary-seeking individuals will be able to live without being surrounded by Planned Parenthood buildings, same-sex couples, “Coexist” bumper stickers, and people who aren’t the exact same skin color as themselves. They also won’t have to feel pressured to form an opinion different than the one bestowed upon them during childhood.

“For me, this is a vote to show Richmond residents how much we support their perspectives and their right to be surrounded by like-minded people with equally racist thoughts and opinions,” said Scott Jones, a retired Chesterfield resident. “We vow to protect these individuals and shield them from the open-minded liberals infiltrating our state.”

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