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Corey Stewart Proposes to Move Capital Back to Danville

RICHMOND, Va. — Last week, Republican gubernatorial candidate Corey Stewart announced his proposal to move Virginia’s capital back to Danville.

Stewart claimed that Richmond has become too progressive over the decades since it regained its status as Virginia’s undisputed state capital after the Civil War ended in 1865. “Danville is a traditional city,” he told reporters. “These days, people are trying to repress our Confederate background. And the great thing about Danville is that it’s hardly changed since the Civil War. But in Richmond, thousands of rapscallion Yankees have invaded. Danville is much, let’s say, cleaner. More conservative. More what Virginia has stood for since the very beginning.”

He further claimed that Danville has everything modern-day residents need, including historic landmarks, monumental battlefields, and dozens of churches to enjoy.

“Simply put, it’s more practical as a capital and could bring us back to our conservative roots much more effectively than Richmond can,” Stewart said. “Richmond has spun out of control since the War of Northern Aggression. There are even residents now who oppose slavery and are cracking down on tobacco production.”

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