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RPD Enforces DUI Checkpoint on Ninth Green at Country Club of Virginia

RICHMOND, Va. — In an effort to combat the perils of alcohol with a dash of elitism Richmond Police have set up a DUI checkpoint on the green of the ninth hole at the prestigious Country Club of Virginia (CCV).

On Saturday afternoon Sergeant Gil Thoreson of the Richmond Police Department launched his “Operation Arnold Palmer” initiative. No clarification was provided as to whether the operation was named after the legendary golfer or the refreshing non-alcoholic beverage. Thoreson came up with the name after realizing that “RPD DUI CCV” was too difficult to enunciate and nowhere near as catchy.

“As with any checkpoint, our overall goal is awareness,” Thoreson said. “We want to let golfers know that we’re looking out for them. Too many times we’ve been called to the scene of a tragic accident involving alcohol, a sand trap, and ruined khakis.”

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When asked why the ninth green, Thoreson replied, “Statistics have shown that golfers are on their best behavior on the green, due to the gentle nature of the putting stroke. If we were on the tee, where the swings are much more aggressive, well, that’s a whole different ballgame.”

CCV spokesman Steven Stottlemeyer felt the checkpoint, though potentially beneficial, could just as easily go away. “While the Country Club of Virginia is dedicated to working with law enforcement in every way possible, we can’t help but wonder if there’s any way we can work this whole thing out by just writing a check.”

Thoreson added that most members have been cooperative at the checkpoint, although not without a bit of unsportsmanlike conduct. Golfer Adrian Randle demanded an immediate phone call to his attorney who, at the time, was on the 16th hole. One man was detained when he grabbed a 3-wood and screamed, “I’ve got your designated driver right here!”

“We anticipate some sort of negativity wherever we go, but honestly this is nothing,” said the sergeant. “You should’ve seen what happened when we tried implementing DUI checkpoints in the upper tier stands at Richmond International Raceway.”

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