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VCU Replaces Proposed Tuition Hike With Actual Hike

RICHMOND, Va. — Virginia Commonwealth University has developed a new solution for students following the backlash against their latest rise in tuition costs.

A new program called “Hike Around the Hike” will allow students to forgo the more than $3,000 increase in tuition by physically hiking a trail loop from Monroe Park to MCV Hospital multiple times each semester as a seminar course. In order to recoup the loss in tuition dollars, those participating in the program will be laden with raw materials and goods that need to be transported between the two VCU campuses, providing the school with valuable manpower.

“This solution benefits both the student body and the student’s body,” VCU announced earlier this week.

The Virginia Department of Education offered its resounding endorsement of the program, noting that students who otherwise would have worked part-time jobs off-campus can now work in service to the school in order to reduce their debt.

Many students have embraced the program with open arms, eager to trade time indoors stressing about mounting debt for time outdoors exercising. “Now I’ll leave VCU a smarter and stronger person than I was before,” Emily Smith, a junior in the business school, extolled.

Students whose tuition costs are covered by their parents’ miraculous maintenance of a healthy college fund consider the program a necessary evil. According to sophomore Charles Grodin, “It’s hard not to feel a deep dark guilt when driving past my fellow students as they labor under pounds of dental equipment that needs to make it downtown, but I’m glad it means a savings for them in the long run.”

Other students are even less enthused; one student who wished to remain anonymous said, “Kids already won’t shut up about their workout routines and now the school is just encouraging that kind of behavior.”

The tuition breaks offered to participating students equate to about $3.01 hourly pay for hard labor. When reached for comment, a VCU representative stated, “Yeah, but that’s saving the student from any compounding interest. So it’s a good deal.”

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