VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. — At approximately 3 a.m. Saturday Virginia Beach tourist and Fredericksburg native Doug Abernathy was rushed to a local hospital in critical condition.
Abernathy had been medevaced from a parking lot near the Virginia Beach boardwalk after several late-night revelers noticed him in the driver’s seat of his car, unresponsive to their solicitations.
“We kept shouting for him to dab and he wouldn’t move, so we knew something was wrong, like, right away,” said 911 caller James Bellford.
Upon arriving at Virginia Beach General Hospital, doctors quickly put Abernathy on a saline drip and started an intense fluid regimen. Once the patient was stabilized doctors announced that Abernathy had suffered an acute sodium overload that they theorized was directly linked to his ardent dedication to the “Salt Life.”
Cases of this nature are not uncommon and most beach-area doctors are quick to recognize the symptoms of trying to live a life dedicated to the surf.
“People don’t realize the jeopardy they place themselves in by completely living, breathing, and in many cases drinking the Salt Life,” said Dr. Susan Patterson. “These people come in from out of town and think they are ready for heavy salt usage—covering their cars in stickers, buying a skimboard and a pet hermit crab. The human body simply can’t adjust to that kind of rapid Salt Life adoption and it’s even more foolish to think that you can survive Salt Life all year long.”
Local officials said that an incident like this usually does a good job of scaring tourists straight for the rest of the beach season.
In a press release just hours ago Sherriff Joe Wilson stated, “While this is obviously a terrible trauma for the individual, it’s a good lesson for everyone breezing into town for a day at the beach. The Salt Life is a deadly trap and you’re dancing with the devil when you slap that sticker on your car.”