RICHMOND, Va. — Area man David Hodson perished on the 3000 block of West Cary Street yesterday afternoon.
Having purchased a birthday card and tastefully whimsical gift for a friend from Mongrel, he was walking up the street to his car when he took a few breaths that proved to be his last. Authorities believe that Hodson had just enough time to realize his fatal mistake: he had been walking with one group of vapers rapidly approaching him from behind, only to see another group walking directly towards him.
It was then that Hodson became trapped in a deadly stench nexus caused by the overlap of two conflicting vapor clouds.
Rare incidents like these are on the rise, and so this paper reached out to the Richmond Police Department (RPD) and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) to learn more.
“While individually these clouds would have been classified as ‘dank,’ it was the uniquely toxic byproduct of their pairing that caused Mr. Hodson’s demise,” a CDC researcher assigned to this case shared. The CDC report published on the incident further explained that Group A was vaping some particularly juicy Double Grape Fruity Loop Whoop Whoop while Group B was generating significant vapors of a newly developed Vintage Age Ultra-Lux Rare Breed Mellow ‘Bacco.
This same report also noted that “as Hodson stepped into this maelstrom of scents, his final sniffs on this earth would have been of a smell akin to a man with strong BO stomping gummy bears into grape soda inside a burning building.”
Despite the horror of this tragedy, the RPD shared that they had no plans to enforce stricter regulations on roaming bands of vapers. It should be noted that citizens are well within their rights to vape in public and that each of these groups was cleared by the police of any suspicion of ill intent. However, locals remain upset at the lack of oversight for what has proven to be a deadly danger to all of our collective sensitivities.