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Shared Alleyway Declared “Demilitarized Zone” Between Fan Apartments

RICHMOND, Va. — Following ongoing disputes between Floyd Avenue neighbors Michelle Lytle and Benjamin Parker regarding land sanctions, parking spaces, and excessive noise overflow, reports indicate that leading officials have declared their shared alleyway as the “demilitarized zone” (FAN DMZ) between the apartments.

The alleyway, located on the 2300 block of Floyd and measuring approximately 3 feet in width and 41 feet in length, has been mutually agreed upon as the official “border” between apartments. It will be used by both apartments for travel and trash removal; however, it is expected to remain a very precarious area, as a permanent truce between the neighbors has not been reached.

“Tensions are at an all-time high between me and Michelle,” explained Parker, whose apartment is located on the eastern side of the new border. “Her friends keep leaving beer cans on the street and never quiet down after midnight. It’s either this, or we go to war.”

On the other side of the border, Lytle says that most of the conflicts have been perpetrated by Parker and that she hopes the established FAN DMZ is the first step towards peace on the block.

“We’ve agreed to a ceasefire as a way to temporarily resolve the situation,” Lytle claimed. “The alleyway we share will serve as a neutral zone for both of us to use. But he better start cleaning up after his dog; I’ve formed an alliance with his other neighbor and we will respond swiftly to any perceived threat of canine droppings.”

The border will extend from the front sidewalk to the land behind the apartments, which has been established as the “Joint Backyard Meeting Land.” The area is expected to be used by the neighbors for occasional talks that will hopefully bring peace back to the block.

Charlie Brackett, the speaker of the Museum District Treaty Organization, says he approves of the boundary and encourages the two neighbors to use the shared area in a respectful manner.

“There’s still a lot of work to be done; the FAN DMZ is just the first layer in a long process to avoid a potential war. But we hope that both parties can continue to work towards a peaceful neighborhood relationship.”

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