Advertisements
News Peed

Richmond Millennial Resettlement Program Sees Record Numbers

RICHMOND, Va. — According to a report released by the City of Richmond, the newly formed Millennial Resettlement Initiative (MIRI) has seen a record number of applications from throughout the United States in the first nine months of 2017.

The MIRI program, part of Mayor Levar Stoney’s campaign to attract younger people to Richmond, offers a range of services to millennials who are fleeing modern life, including affordable rent, adequately priced food and beer, free parks and river trails, and minimal traffic.

“Richmond has long been a destination for millennials seeking refuge from Brooklyn’s rent, Austin’s gentrification, or D.C.’s overall shittiness,” Stoney commented. “Right now millennials are flooding over our borders in used Subarus looking for part-time restaurant gigs. Their resilience in the face of crushing student debt or living with their parents is inspiring, and Richmond welcomes them with open arms.”

While the city has a reputation for somewhat limited job prospects, few dating options, and barely adequate salaries, Richmond also boasts a shockingly low cost of living, high quality of life, and an otherwise easy-going vibe. When asked why they chose to flee now, most millennials cited shitty jobs, a chance to “slow down to focus on the band,” or simply “Trump.”  

MIRI staff are currently inundated with calls and emails from across the country, and the organization has sought emergency funding to expand the program to meet demand.

“It’s like trying to drink from a firehose,”  MIRI operations staff member Megan Franklin commented. “Except that instead of a hose it’s hipsters and instead of water it’s Narragansett Lager. These millennials are our best hope for the future, which is kinda meh.”  

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: