News Peed

Hell Block Resident Calls Police on Suspiciously Quiet Neighbor

RICHMOND, Va. — After observing her neighbor spend multiple nights avoiding wild parties and maintaining a reasonably low volume, Hell Block resident Eliza Ferguson contacted the police to investigate this suspiciously reclusive behavior.

Ferguson, a sophomore accounting major at VCU, moved into her Grace Street residence at the beginning of the semester. Not long after that, Ronnie Dawson, a late-20s VCU graduate, moved into the unit next door.

According to Ferguson, Dawson seemed like a regular, straightforward guy, but the lack of the usual weekend partying characterized by dozens of guests attempting to fit into the two bedroom apartment raised Ferguson’s suspicions.

“It’s really quiet over there. Almost too quiet,” Ferguson explained in a recent interview. “There hasn’t been any loud bass thumping through the wall and he hasn’t left any beer cans all over the front porch on weekend mornings like everyone else on the block does. Something’s up.”

“I knew something wasn’t right when I invited him over to a huge party we had last Friday and he declined, saying he had to be up early the next day,” she continued. “There’s gotta be more to the story.”

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The lack of action outside of the apartment has also stirred up Ferguson. “He hasn’t even thrown a couch outside and tried to set it on fire yet.”

The uncommon peace and quiet coming from her neighbor drove Ferguson to the point of contacting the authorities. “I figure this guy has to be involved in something. Like, maybe he’s a big drug kingpin or meth guy trying to keep a low profile,” she mused.

Ferguson made the call to the authorities this past Sunday and VCU Police quickly arrived at the scene. “The suspect was polite, professional, and had a meticulously clean apartment,” reported Sergeant Emily Becker. “We immediately took him into custody.”

“His apartment was very well-kept and there was no evidence of drug use or excessive partying,” Becker explained. “We also never once had to visit him on a noise complaint; that is a serious red flag.”

Since the arrest, Ferguson has commented that her apartment building is feeling more like home again. “I think everyone has been sleeping better since that dude left. We’ve all been able to focus more, especially on the massive throw down we’re planning for this Saturday.”

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