RICHMOND, Va. — Following the Democratic party’s sweeping win of the governor, lieutenant governor, and attorney general positions in yesterday’s election, Governor Terry McAullife announced this morning that he is suffering from his worst hangover in years. “Man, it started blowing up as soon as they called it for Northam and the night just kept getting better as Fairfax’s and Herring’s races were also called. We kept it going really late into the night,” an indisposed McAullife told reporters between sips of gatorade and water. “Ugh, I feel like death. We haven’t thrown down like that since the 2014 inauguration bash. I think at one point around 2 a.m. we tried prank calling [Ken] Cuccinelli but gave up when we couldn’t find his number in my rolodex.” The governor was forced to conclude his brief statement due to sudden nausea and fatigue, calling on his aides to bring him clusters of bananas and cartons of tomato juice, before stumbling toward the Executive Mansion.
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