RICHMOND, Va. — Despite the established popularity of the annual Anthem Richmond Marathon, it’s been reported that Fan District resident Corey Hubbard has been in training for months to complain about the event on social media.
In a recent Facebook post, Hubbard exclaimed, “Oh great, another race that will surely cause traffic delays and bring in suburban idiots is about to happen. Luckily for me, I’ve been preparing for months for my social media onslaught of how stupid this thing is.”
Hubbard does not plan to take the marathon, which has a route that spans through various city neighborhoods, lightly. “I’ve got all of my best complaints lined up, in order of snarkiness of course, and they’re sorted too, so, like, I’ll have one post bitching about the traffic, followed by another one on how I can’t find a place to park. A good pace is key to a successful barrage of Facebook rage.”
In addition to focusing on the content, he’s also been practicing making sure his posts are seen. “I mapped out the times on Saturday for every post, so I should be maximizing the amount of attention I get.”
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People close to Hubbard have confirmed his intentions to completely obliterate his friends’ Facebook feeds with posts regarding the marathon. Nancy Barrows, a neighbor of Hubbard, commented in a recent interview, “He’s been practicing a long time for this day, but I think he really started taking it seriously after Valentine’s Day, constantly asking his neighbors ‘you guys ready for the bullshit that’s coming up?’ We’ll see how he performs on Saturday.”
This won’t be the first time Hubbard has endured a marathon, but he’s confident that his vocal outrage online will be enough to validate his grief with the event.
“I think I’ll do really well this year. I know for sure that my posts that complain about the lack of parking paired with bits of dry humor will resonate with others and gain me plenty of support for next year.”