With Term Running Out, McAuliffe Desperate to Kick Gubernatorial Kegs

RICHMOND, Va. — With six months left in his term, Governor Terry McAuliffe has refocused his energy on finishing the kegs he had installed during his term.

On his first day in office, Governor McAuliffe assigned his housing staff to put a kegerator in every room of the Executive Mansion, including bathrooms. Then he set out to fulfill his gubernatorial agenda of visiting each of Virginia’s more than 200 craft breweries, a goal that he managed to achieve early on in his term.

“I’ve visited every brewery in Virginia. No other governor can say that,” McAuliffe reminded state citizens every day. “It’s because of my Irish heritage that I could handle that task.”

Once Virginia primary elections began, McAuliffe was forced to face the harsh reality that he will soon have to give up his role as governor. State officials asked him to have his kegs emptied and gone by the time the new governor’s term begins. McAuliffe assured the Commonwealth of Virginia that he’s up to the challenge. “I’m of Irish heritage, after all. Plus, I’ve visited every brewery in Virginia.”

When asked how he’s going to find time for state issues in between emptying the beer kegs, McAuliffe simply pointed to his t-shirt that read “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” as he drank a beer straight from the tap and signed a bill related to public school funding.

As of press time, Governor McAuliffe was seen doing a keg stand and reminding his staff that he’s the only governor who’s been to every brewery in Virginia.