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Hardywood Fan Debates Between Trying New Stout or Making Rent

RICHMOND, Va. — Following the release of a much anticipated stout from Hardywood Park Craft Brewery, Church Hill resident Scott Kincer is faced with the choice of either buying a six-pack or making his monthly rent payment, sources confirmed Saturday.

The new stout, named “Choco Bottom Stout,” was released last week to universal acclaim from the beer community. Kincer, a longtime fan of Hardywood, was excited to pick up a pack to enjoy, but doing so means he would risk not being able to afford rent.

“I love everything Hardywood does, it’s just that the costs are starting to add up,” he remarked in a recent interview, noting that he was already behind on some bills after purchasing the complete set of their Farmhouse Pumpkin. “I missed my cell phone payment last month to afford that, but it was different versions of their pumpkin beer. It was a no-brainer.”

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The Choco Bottom Stout is being promoted with a limited edition six-pack of different varieties and is priced at $129.99 per order. “I really, really want it, but I don’t know if I can get an extension on my rent without getting hit with late fees,” Kincer said.

Kincer added that he does have a few friends he can temporarily move in with in the event of an eviction but considers that a drastic scenario. “I really want to avoid staying at Chad’s place, if at all possible. The place is a mess, and he’s got awful taste in beer. He hates IPAs and only has Coronas in his fridge. I can’t risk my brews falling into unappreciative hands.”

Delicious yet pricey seasonal beers from craft breweries that put citizens in the red financially have become a serious problem over the past few years. In 2016 alone there were multiple counts of vehicle repossessions throughout the state that were attributed to a highly popular series from Devils Backbone Brewing Company. Sources were able to confirm that all of the vehicles in question had empty goblets left in the passenger seats.

February of this year saw a man hospitalized after he attempted to remove his own kidney for financial compensation in the hope of purchasing a limited edition pale ale from Blue Mountain Brewery. The man made a full recovery, but his time spent in the hospital caused him to miss out on his order before they sold out.

Kincer remained determined to afford a six-pack while maintaining his current living situation, even it means sharing some of the goods with others.

“Maybe my landlord will let it slide if I offer to share some with him. It’s almost financially equivalent, so what’s the difference, right?”

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