Pandas Finalize Plans to Break out of National Zoo During Government Shutdown

WASHINGTON — Following the shutdown of the United States government as a result of Congress’s inability to reach an agreement on immigration legislature, the National Zoo’s giant pandas have finalized plans to break out of their enclosure, sources confirmed Monday. Their scheme has been greatly helped by the disabling of the exhibit’s Panda Cam as a result of the shutdown. “Without that intrusive camera we now have the freedom to meet in the open and don’t have to worry about drawing attention,” pack leader Mei Xiang revealed in an exclusive interview, adding that prior to the shutdown all meetings had to be done overnight while they pretended to sleep along their exhibits’ adjoining wall. “And now that we’re not being watched all the time, we can finally take advantage of that drainage pipe the zookeepers thought we wouldn’t notice.” At the time of reporting, fellow pandas Tian Tian and Bei Bei were seen gathering leftover bamboo leaves and sharpening sticks to use as makeshift screwdrivers to take the cap off the pipe’s hole.

Show your support for totally non-fake journalism – visit our online store.

RELATED:

• Trump Team Accidentally Starts Border Wall At South Of The Border Resort
• Siegel Center Sues White House Over Name “House of Havoc”
• Omarosa Fired, Seen Taking Up Shifts as Club Rouge Bouncer