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Cartographers Working to Determine if Center of the Universe Brewing Co. Is Actually the Center of the Universe

ASHLAND, Va. — A team of cartographers has set out to determine whether or not the local craft brewery Center of the Universe is in fact at the center of our universe.

“The exact center of the universe is where the sun lines up directly with the crossing of the latitude and longitude of our solar system, in direct correlation to the galaxy’s core,” cartographic analyst Douglas Kirkland explained. “For centuries, scientists and cartographers have been attempting to find where the center of the universe lies, but it’s just such a broad concept.”

“This is precisely why we hope that the location of this brewery could reveal some secrets,” Kirkland added.

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Sources say the team, based in St. George, Utah, recently learned about the brewery and immediately planned an excursion to Virginia. “When it comes to cartography, sometimes you’ll find something where you’d least expect it,” Kirkland said. “We thought maybe these brewery owners knew something we didn’t.”

Center of the Universe Brewing Company, which is located in Ashland, Virginia, opened in 2012 and has become a favorite spot for craft beer aficionados throughout the state. When reached for comment, co-owners Jason and Eric Grady explained that the name has no profound meaning related to solar positioning. “It’s located in the center of Virginia, so it theoretically made sense,” Eric Grady revealed. “Also, we have to admit, there is some subtle comedy in calling Ashland ‘the center of the universe.’”

After a thorough exploration of the area, the team of cartographers resolved that the brewery was not, in fact, located at the center of the universe. However, at press time, they were seen collaborating with professors from the VCU Life Sciences department to determine if the Pocahoptas IPA contained a lead as to Pocahontas’s origins.

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