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GRTC Pulse to Be Finished in Next Eon, Possibly Sooner

RICHMOND, Va. — In a recent announcement made through the official GRTC website, officials promised that the GRTC Pulse Project will definitely be completed in the next eon, but possibly sooner.

This statement was issued after the timeline for construction of the new bus line came under fire from Richmond residents, many of whom claimed they had never even seen a worker at the station construction sites. The website further assured residents that the construction sites were active and that progress was being made every day.

“We know residents are concerned that GRTC Pulse will not be finished on schedule, but we assure you that the lack of visible progress is not indicative of any timeline delay,” the statement read. “The GRTC Pulse Project was always, and has remained, on schedule for a pre-apocalypse launch guaranteed for sometime in the next eon, but we think with a little hard work it could be done sooner.”

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Residents who use Broad Street regularly have called the build sites eyesores and traffic hazards. The GRTC doubtless hopes that this statement will placate their concerns about stations remaining in their current unfinished state through 2018 and beyond.  

However, other residents were less worried about the project because they assumed the labor was being carried out after hours. “It’s all Civil War ghosts, right?” Lester Jenkins, a resident in the Museum District, speculated.

“The whole damn thing built by ghosts at night. Pretty smart, even if inconvenient.”

Representatives from GRTC could not be reached for comment, but an anonymous source close to the construction team claimed that since the project was originally planned to take multiple eons, the announcement represented an accelerated timeline and should be seen as good news.

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