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News Peed

BREAKING: Joe’s Inn Patron Makes Dent in Lasagna Dish

RICHMOND, Va. — At approximately 9:15 p.m., breaking news reports revealed that Joe’s Inn patron Mike Staples had succeeded in making a moderate dent in his lasagna entrée.

Around 6:30 p.m., Staples and his roommates walked to Joe’s Inn from their nearby Fan apartment, where Staples ordered the restaurant’s signature homemade lasagna. Staples, a regular customer at the restaurant, understood that the dish was potentially more food than he could handle in one sitting.

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“We thought about ordering a calamari appetizer, but knowing that the entrées are the epitome of oversized, we decided against it,” Staples revealed. The logic proved to be valid. Approximately two hours after receiving the meal, Staples finally noticed a minor indentation in his lasagna dish.

Reporters spoke with Staples shortly after the incident.

“I’d been picking at this lasagna for a really long time,” he said, admitting that at one point he considered surrendering and taking the rest of the meal home.

“I was starting to feel full, and I thought about giving in and asking for a to-go box. It would’ve been lunch for the rest of the week, easily.”  

Staples then reported looking down at his meal and realizing he had made a small dent in the dish. By approximately 9:27 p.m., he confirmed a visual sighting of the bottom of the plate, although it was still largely obscured by chunks of meat sauce.

“It was at the point where you could actually tell someone had been eating it,” he commented.

When reached for comment, Joe’s Inn manager Mike Marino told reporters, “I’ve never seen anything like that done before by a single person. I didn’t think it was possible.”

“We often have to give out multiple to-go boxes for a single order. We’re looking into upgrading to to-go briefcases or something similar, if we can get a good deal on a bulk order.”

At press time, Staples was spotted outside smoking marijuana, in hopes of increasing his appetite to fit in a few more bites.

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