News Peed

Study Reveals 85% of Richmond Just Getting By

RICHMOND, Va. A new study conducted by the office of the Office of the Secretary of Finance has determined that 85% of Richmond residents are only just getting by. The secretary indicated that this study could serve as an important reference point for future instances of your friend claiming they “just don’t have that kind of money right now” in response to a second $2 PBR. “This study conclusively proves the existence of an issue that, until this time, was based mostly on something Chad said last week,” the Secretary said in a press conference. “He had just bought a new Xbox game, but when I asked if he wanted to hit dollar taco night at Little Mexico he said that was too rich for his blood, he was just getting by right now.’”

RELATED (article continued below):

Residents seemed unsurprised by the news. One man, interviewed while jogging down Cary Street wearing what appeared to be brand new running gear, said he could have predicted these numbers. “Take me, for example. I’m missing three shows at the National and a friend’s birthday this week because I just don’t have that kind of money right now,” he reported. Interviewed from her porch while drinking a $13 bottle of wine, a Fan area woman said she really wished she could get the money together to fix her decrepit porch step but claimed, “Money is tight right now and I have reservations at L’Opossum tomorrow, so I just can’t afford work like that.”

A second study performed just hours later confirmed that 100% of your friends will reference the earlier study when justifying future decisions to flake on you.

Did…did someone say “online store“?

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