“Speed Limits Aren’t Actually Enforced by Aircraft” Says Guy Who Just Fucking Got Here

LYNCHBURG, Va. — In what he presumably thought was an earth-shattering revelation, new Virginia resident Dan Bokman shared with some friends at a Lynchburg bar that he was “pretty sure speed limits aren’t actually enforced by aircraft on Interstate 81.”

According to witnesses, Bokman seemed annoyed by the response from his friends, who remained unshaken by this knowledge. “I figured that everyone had been living in fear for years of SR-71 Blackbirds flying in the stratosphere over federal roadways, using advanced laser systems to determine if drivers were operating at speeds above the listed limit, but that surprisingly isn’t the case,” Bokman later commented.

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“Surely they’ve spent sleepless nights convinced that the Virginia portions of the Dwight D. Eisenhower National System of Interstate and Defense Highways were actively patrolled by military grade aircraft.”

At press time, Bokman was seen coming to the realization that he was the last person present to conclude that it was highly unlikely that any government money was being spent on cloaked Apache gunships waiting to descend and crush his front axle, thus bringing his late 1990s Saturn to a screeching halt and forcing him to deal with $100 to $300 in fines.

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