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Punk in Drublic Festival to Feature Cigarette Stout and Huffing Glue Hefeweizen

RICHMOND, Va. — The Punk in Drublic craft beer and music festival will soon descend upon Richmond, bringing with it an eclectic group of punk bands and beers inspired by the scene.

Local breweries such as Stone Brewing and Champion Brewing Company plan to set up shop at the festival, distributing their beers for all the thirsty attendees in their jean jackets and pyramid-spike belts. Embracing the DIY spirit of the scene, one enterprising man joined the festival in the hopes of bringing some of the tastes all punks know and love to the beer list, in the form of cigarettes and glue.

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“I’m coming to this gig to relive my high school years and get drunk on some nondescript brownish liquids, not to stand around and watch everyone talk about the ‘hoppiness of their beer’ or some hipster nonsense,” local punk brewer Sloppy Jake Hendricks stated.

A Cigarette Stout is the mainstay of Hendricks’s beer offerings, but he also brews a Huffing Glue Hefeweizen.

The Cigarette Stout is alleged to have been invented by the legendary Joe Strummer of The Clash at a 1980 concert. Hendricks claims to have watched Strummer deposit what he described as “a simply unreasonable” amount of cigarette butts in a stale Guinness at the front of the stage. “After the show was over, I walked by the stage and took a sip,” Hendricks said. “After getting violently ill for approximately 45 minutes, I had a buzz that could knock out GG Allin. And I knew, I had to recreate that taste for everyone to experience.”

Hendricks’s Huffing Glue Hefeweizen was also modeled after a beverage he saw one of the greats create. In 1983 Hendricks allegedly witnessed Ramone’s lead singer Joey Ramone deposit a few squeezes of model airplane glue on the rim of his beer on the side he wasn’t drinking from. Apparently he enjoyed mixing the scent with the taste of his beverage and used it as a way to prepare for his shows.

Hendricks has infiltrated similar festivals over the years in order to start selling his own unique brand of beers out of his van. Hendricks’s 1982 Chevrolet conversion van is recognizable only by a large mural painted on one side depicting Glenn Danzig in the process of murdering TV’s beloved Alf.

“We serve two beverages that I am not legally allowed to call beer but do anyway because the Man can’t tell me what to do,” Hendricks said. Hendricks’s Cigarette Stout has been his top seller mostly due to the almost certainly illegal nicotine content. The Huffing Glue Hefeweizen has gained similar acclaim from the punk masses.

However, there has also been a rash of protests towards the festival from the scene’s very vocal straight-edge contingent. The Straight-Edge Neo-Temperance Movement, known as “Stop Drinking Or We Will Literally Kill You Dead” or the “SDOWWLKYD” for short, has come out in force against Hendricks’s offerings.

The movement’s leader, using the name Chainsaw Lips, stated, “What Hendricks and all these other beer pushers are doing is wrong. Us straight-edge punks think the best way to have a good time is not to dull the senses using intoxicants, but by using blunt force trauma in the pit.”

Hendricks was not intimidated by the group’s threats, stating, “These kids have been hounding me for years and I’ve been too blitzed to care.”

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