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New TV Show to Investigate Northern Virginia’s Ghostings

ALEXANDRIA, Va. — The makers of the popular television show “Ghost Hunters” have decided to branch out with a new entry in the series that takes place right near the Beltway. However, this new show will not be exploring the fairly well-trod ground of Alexandria’s local ghost stories. In a surprising departure, this newest version of “Ghost Hunters,” called “Ghost(ing) Hunters,” will examine the haunting realities of the Northern Virginia dating world.

“In my time with ‘Ghost Hunters,’ I’ve had my fair share of terrifying experiences,” said show-runner Fred Carpenter. “I’ve heard the ghosts of murdered Victorian children wail as their spirits long for eternal rest. I’ve come face to face with the spirit of the Demon Dentist of King Street. Hell, I’ve even had a run-in with a liquored up Joe Biden. But I’ve never experienced anything more chilling than the sheer horror of texting a woman a few times, buying her a few drinks, then never hearing from her again.”

Carpenter’s team will follow a nondescript group of fairly unremarkable men in their mid-20s to early 30s who, for some reason or another, have been “ghosted” by their dates.

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The pilot episode of the new series follows the story of one man, who has chosen to remain anonymous in the interest of preserving his future dating prospects, but who we will refer to as “Jake.” Jake described his macabre encounter with ghosting. “I matched with a woman on Tinder. She was great. She was attractive, worked for a non-profit, listed ‘pizza’ as a hobby, and described herself as ‘spiritual but not religious.’ She seemed pretty unique.”

“One dark and stormy evening, just like this, we went to a local bar to grab a few drinks after a week of messaging, just to get to know each other,” Jake continued. “I made a vague reference to potential future plans, and she expressed reluctant interest. It was a sure thing; I was already planning our wedding.”

Unfortunately, the encounter turned sour when the woman didn’t respond to any subsequent texts. “I was frozen with terror. I could’ve sworn I saw the three little dots that show up when someone is texting back, but it could have been my mind playing tricks on me,” Jake recalled.

Carpenter’s “Ghost(ing) Hunters” team will utilize only the most sophisticated technology to track down these mysterious, disappearing women.

“Jake’s case was a classic one, but luckily, I had my specially modified ghost hunting gear, which in no way resembles a proton pack from ‘Ghostbusters’ with added Christmas lights for effect,” Jake explained.

The first episode is a not at all depressing look into the ghost hunter’s technique as they explore the bar where Jake and his mystery woman first met. At one point in the episode, Carpenter and Jake use a series of sensors to find the young woman’s aura in order to track her disappearance.

“You see these lights, which are definitely not just a bunch of lights set to the ‘twinkle’ setting? They are detecting your girl’s spirit,” Carpenter stated.

“What does it say?” Jake asked, wide-eyed.

Carpenter, having studied the data, conclusively determined the cause of the ghosting: “It says you slurped your drink like a dehydrated mule and she thought that was kind of weird so she left.”

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