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Terry McAuliffe Goes to Beach Week, Made Honorary Delta Nu

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. Driven by a desire to blow off some steam in the summer season, former Gov. Terry McAuliffe let loose on the Virginia Beach boardwalk last week and emerged as an honorary member of the Delta Nu sorority.

After drunkenly destroying two pounds of shrimp and crab legs at Ocean Eddie’s Seafood Restaurant, McAuliffe happened upon the ladies of Delta Nu enjoying a casual afternoon on the boardwalk.

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“This guy with aviators and a huge Sublime henna tattoo stumbled up to us carrying two cases of Natty Light and challenged us to beer pong,” said Delta Nu sister Mackenzie Matthews. “He told us that if someone beat him, they could be Secretary of Energy if he became president.”

“Two of our sisters are perennial beer pong champs, so we couldn’t turn that down,” Matthews added.

The group returned to Delta Nu’s beach house, where over the next several hours McAuliffe  bested all of the assembled Delta Nus in an epic beer pong tournament. As a prize for his victory, McAuliffe received an honorary membership in the sorority.

“That dude can fucking rage,” Matthews said. “He broke our house’s keg stand record and then we had a really meaningful conversation about gender inequality. We pretty much had to let him in.”

The decision to admit McAuliffe was unanimous, although reports indicate McAuliffe inadvertently creeped out one girl around 9:45 p.m. when he yawned and mentioned his desire to just Netflix and chill, not realizing it’s slang meaning.

“Terry is such a sweetheart,” Madison Lewis, a Delta Nu sister that will be taking McAuliffe under her wing, said. “I’m so excited to be his Big.”

An aide for McAuliffe said the former governor plans to tout his membership as a strategy to reach young voters during his 2020 presidential bid.

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2 Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. McAuliffe Plays Edward Fortyhands While Announcing Exploratory Committee to One-Up Elizabeth Warren – The Peedmont
  2. Terry McAuliffe Challenges Entire CNN Newsroom to Game of Flip Cup After Chris Cuomo Interview – The Peedmont

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