Advertisements
News Peed

Man Murders Colonial Williamsburg Reenactor: “I thought this was Westworld”

WILLIAMSBURG, Va. Colonial Williamsburg historical interpreter George Mandel was murdered today by tourist Jim Anderson after Anderson mistook him for a human-like android working in a historical amusement park, similar to the HBO television series “Westworld.”

“In Westworld, you can meet, talk to, shoot, and/or fuck anyone in the park who comes up to you,” Anderson stated in a press conference after the incident. “Are you telling me that isn’t the case here?”

RELATED (article continued below):

In the context of the TV series, robotic human-like “hosts” interact with Westworld guests in a variety of ways, including those mentioned by Anderson. As Colonial Williamsburg still, to the best of The Peedmont’s knowledge, has an entirely human workforce, the historical interpreters are not as impervious to injury as their robotic television counterparts.

“It just made a lot of sense,” Anderson argued. “There’s Westworld, obviously, but also the … Samurai World, I guess? What’s not there that should be? The Colonial World, and I guess that’s where I got confused.”

According to eyewitnesses, Anderson was listening to Mandel’s presentation about butter churning, commenting quietly to himself that the reenactor was “so life-like,” and that “you’d have no idea that wasn’t a real guy.”

One interpreter, Martha Garry, said Anderson asked him the location of “The Maze,” alluding to a narrative mystery from season one of the show. Garry thought he meant the famous colonial garden maze and simply redirected him to behind the Governor’s Palace.

Another eyewitness claims that Anderson saw a horse walking towards him, got in front of it and screamed, “cease all motor functions,” only for the horse to walk around him and its rider to shout for him to get out of the way.

Anderson was similarly rebuked by several female interpreters at the Raleigh Tavern, after he admitted he thought he was in a brothel and said that he was “looking for Maeve.”

After Anderson’s arrest, a Colonial Williamsburg official who looked vaguely like the actor that played Hannibal Lecter released a statement regretting Mandel’s loss of life and sending sympathy to his family. He concluded by stating, “We know that people love and are delighted by the close glimpse of early American history that we have to offer. Ultimately, it is the policy of Colonial Williamsburg that these violent delights have violent ends.”

Be sure to visit our online store for some supportive swag.

Advertisements

11 Comments on Man Murders Colonial Williamsburg Reenactor: “I thought this was Westworld”

  1. Willard Hicks // May 27, 2018 at 6:50 pm // Reply

    The article is not journalism. You degrade your journalistic creativity by including the filthy words that make you nothing more than the uneducated writer you claim to be. You may think the use of this word is appreciated but I dare to disagree with you. Especially if children were to read it. You should be ashamed.

    Like

  2. What the hell is this trash?

    Like

  3. Annie Nonimous // May 27, 2018 at 11:11 pm // Reply

    Written by an irresponsible and ignorant narcissist with no concern for the damage this drivel might generate. A

    Like

  4. This is entirely false. I live in Williamsburg and this did not happen. The writing alone is enough evidence but this is also the only website showing this story. I sincerely hope you lose your job for what you did here.

    Like

    • You are painfully stupid. This article, like all content posted on the Peedmont, is satire. If you can understand it and the situational humor, it is meant to be funny.

      Like

  5. Jasper Vernorten // May 28, 2018 at 8:41 am // Reply

    Not much to see here

    Like

  6. Notsaying // May 28, 2018 at 9:05 am // Reply

    This false article is a disgusting excuse for writing. This is a disgrace and not funny at all. Also using people’s photos that work there for this crap is irresponsible and should be removed.

    Like

  7. I thought it was funny

    Like

  8. J. Thackker // May 31, 2018 at 4:11 am // Reply

    Dear Readers, Hence the word, “Satirical” which means the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
    a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
    a literary genre comprising such compositions.

    This is like The Onion, also a Satirical news source. Please, get a grip and don’t get your panties in a wad. We’re already surrounded by fake news now. This is no better.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: