Gambling Returns to Virginia: The South Might Finally Win

NEW KENT, Va. — It was recently announced that New Kent County racetrack Colonial Downs would reopen its gates and bring gambling back to the Old Dominion. The announcement and the legislation that facilitated it have been met with incredible enthusiasm from the community, as perennial losers throughout the Commonwealth brace to finally find victory south of the Mason-Dixon.

“After a lifetime of losing, this is my big chance to finally come back for a stunning victory against insurmountable odds,” local Civil War reenactor Justin Cromwell said. Cromwell, who portrays a Confederate artilleryman at monthly events, continued, “People always say the house always wins, but they can’t win every time, now can they? Can they?”

He is not alone in his positive attitude about the venture; many Virginians we spoke to expressed a very sincere level of unbridled joy at the sheer possibility of maybe winning just once, maybe. Speaking about a sense of lifelong defeat, Roanoke native Susan Dunmer said, “We lost the war. We ain’t got major sports teams. This is it. Gambling’s our one fair shot at this.”

With an exact date for reopening still unannounced, Virginians are left with a sense of looming anticipation as they ready themselves to try their luck on the tracks and maybe, just for once, win a little.  

RELATED:

• Virginia Flaggers Erect Over I-64
• Kings Dominion Compromises: “We’ll keep the Rebel Yell name, but the trains will only go backwards”
• Monument Avenue Commission Recommends Replacing Stonewall Jackson Monument with Samuel L. Jackson Monument

Be sure to swing by our online store before going back to looking at cat memes or whatever else you’re doing today.