Chesapeake Crabs Moving to Maryland to Get Baked

NORTHUMBERLAND, Va. — Residents who live by the Chesapeake Bay have noticed a new trend with the local biology. Increasingly, it appears as if the Commonwealth’s population of Chesapeake crabs are moving north into Maryland in order to get baked.

“The environment in Virginia is not as conducive for crabs to get baked, so I think there’s this sense that migrating upwards is something that the crabs want in order to see just what all the fuss is about,” Dr. Megan Ilgab, a senior fellow at the Virginia Institute of Marine Science (VIMS) who has been researching the phenomenon, stated. “We first noticed a strong uptick in migration on April 20 and have seen a consistent pattern northward since then.”

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Maryland has fewer restrictions and regulations regarding how and under what pretense crabs can get baked than Virginia does, which has led to a flourishing market and a new influx of population of crabs dying to get baked.

Experts were somewhat surprised by this phenomena, given crabs usual aversion to pots, but with Maryland’s new legislation, the crabs have become more open to experimentation.

“Contrary to popular belief, the crabs love to get baked,” Dr. Ilgab added. “We’ve noticed they’re a lot looser, more relaxed, less stressed, less focused, and love to put on a Pink Floyd album or watch an episode of ‘Legion’ between when they first get baked and when they finally expire and are prepared for edible consumption.”

“All we can say about this recent phenomenon is that we hope the crabs don’t use getting baked as a gateway to other culinary experiences, and that it sucks that you now have to travel up to Annapolis in order to get a decent bite to eat,” Dr. Ilgab concluded.

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