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Northam Grants Parental Leave to State Workers, Offers to Deliver Everyone’s Babies

RICHMOND, Va. — Gov. Ralph Northam has given Virginia state employees a new reason to get down and dirty. Through a pair of executive orders, Northam granted each employee up to eight weeks of paid parental leave. Northam made the new policy official during a meeting of the Virginia Executive Institute Alumni Association.

After the signing, Northam made a brief statement citing the necessity of paid parental leave as a means to attract younger workers to state government jobs. He was reportedly so excited at the prospect of all so many new Virginians, that he offered to personally deliver the babies of every state employee.

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“I’m happy to announce that, in addition to providing paid parental leave to all of our valued state employees, I will personally be there to deliver the adorable infants,” Northam revealed in a press conference. “I’ve spent the past few weeks creating partnerships with hospitals around the Commonwealth and making sure all of my medical licenses are up to date. I can’t wait to hit the delivery room and be part of all of the special occasions.”

Northam, a physician by trade, served as an Army medical doctor and completed a pediatric residency in Texas. After leaving the army, he was a pediatric neurologist at Children’s Hospital of the King’s Daughters in Norfolk.

“I love babies, nothing brings more joy to my life than a child being born” Northam said. “During my residency they called me ‘The Stork’ because I delivered more babies than anyone else. Just send me an email with your due date and I promise, Doc. Ralph will be there.”

With roughly 125,000 employees on the payroll, Northam should have his hands full. When questioned about how he would have the time to serve as governor and travel the state as some sort of on-demand doula, he balked at reporters, reasoning that “if Tangier Island can have a doctor fly in for them, then so can state employees.”

“Hell, I’m not gonna be there from the first contraction,” Northam said with a grin. “I’m just gonna show up for prime time and welcome that little bundle of joy to the world. I mean, I do have an airplane.”

As he departed the event, Northam shouted that the weekly Lamaze classes for all state employees he plans to hold will start next Tuesday.

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