News Peed

Fairfax Seen Running out of Executive Mansion With Jar to Catch Lightning Bugs

RICHMOND, Va. — Remarking on his excitement about all the glowy things flying around in the front yard of the Executive Mansion, Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax was seen running outside with a jar to catch lightning bugs, sources confirmed Friday.

“I was eating my dinner and then I looked outside and saw a gazillion shiny butts lighting up the night sky, so I got a huge jar and ran out into the yard and caught as many I could,” Fairfax told reporters during a recent press briefing. “And now they’re all best friends flying around in my jar together,” he added.

When asked about his plans for the container of lightning bugs, Fairfax told reporters that he intended to put the jar next to the Tupperware tub containing a caterpillar “that will put itself into a cocoon and then sleep in it for a long time and then one day come out of it and be a big beautiful butterfly.”

At press time, Fairfax was seen holding a buttercup flower under Gov. Ralph Northam’s chin, confirming his fondness for butter.


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