Advertisements
News Peed

Chris Brown Pleads Guilty to Assault, Sentenced to Five Years of Living in Tappahannock Again

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — After pleading guilty to felony assault of a photographer dating back to an altercation in a Florida club in early 2017, singer and entertainer Chris Brown has been sentenced to five years of living in his hometown of Tappahannock, Virginia. Hillsborough County Judge Charles Cooper felt Brown’s prior felony assault conviction in 2009 for the beating of Brown’s then girlfriend Rihanna as well as his many other run-ins with the law since warranted a more creative punishment. “The kid has to learn, one way or another, how to behave and handle himself,” Cooper commented afterward, while going into detail on aspects of the sentencing.

“He’ll be wearing an ankle bracelet that will keep him confined within the Tappahannock city limits. We converted a room in the old Debtor’s Prison into a small cell where he’s required to reside, and he’ll be eating at Lowery’s Seafood Restaurant every night. The punishment fits the crime.”

Sources within the courtroom confirmed that Brown pleaded with the judge after the sentencing was announced, claiming the decision was on par with capital punishment. “Do you know how hard it was to get out of Tappahannock the first time? It’s not like I murdered an entire family or anything.”

Another source close to Brown revealed that he is planning to contact human rights group Amnesty International to raise awareness of the harsh sentencing.

Be sure to swing by our online shop before going back to cat memes or whatever it is you’re doing today.

RELATED:

Advertisements

23 Comments on Chris Brown Pleads Guilty to Assault, Sentenced to Five Years of Living in Tappahannock Again

  1. Juanita Taylor // July 10, 2018 at 6:56 am // Reply

    So is he still touring in Chicago?

    Like

  2. Alma Ramirez // July 10, 2018 at 7:28 am // Reply

    Comit a crime you pay the time..it’s only fair..I just don’t understand why not prison..if I comit a crime I would go to prison.not fair .he gets special acomadations.

    Like

  3. Shemeka Reed // July 10, 2018 at 8:31 am // Reply

    Baby what did you get yourself it. In five years i will be 51. How are to conversation me on the phone. Baby that’s a long time. And you will be teather. Thats a dang shame baby.contact at # 14046047863 shemeka Michelle reed email shemekareed92@gmail.com

    Like

  4. Shemeka Reed // July 10, 2018 at 8:32 am // Reply

    What did you. That bad to get five years. Dang

    Like

  5. Why do they have to give Chris brown 5 years that’s just not fair to me. Why didn’t they just give him 1or2 year.

    Like

  6. This article might be fake. I can’t find any other news article claiming that he was sentenced. I’m going to ask snopes. Fake ass website.

    Like

  7. Danielle love // July 10, 2018 at 3:52 pm // Reply

    He’s a bitch! That’s not jail time! Let it be a regular person it’s a wrap!

    Like

  8. Found out this is a satire site. All the “news” is fake. Just a fake website that I’m now going to block so nothing ever shows up in my news feed again… Probably owned by a bunch of republicans so they can spread crazy ass lies for some money. At least with the onion you can tell it’s actually fake because it’s just funny. This is not humorous so I just don’t get it. What’s the point of this fake site?

    Like

  9. 5 years for a punch. Wow..ppl act like they never thru a punch before. Fuck outta here with that shit. Talking about racial profiling.

    Like

  10. Sylvia Walker // July 10, 2018 at 6:16 pm // Reply

    At least he is home. where I prayed for him to be. It may save his life and soul. But that cell shit is fucked up.

    Like

  11. Carol Sutton // July 10, 2018 at 6:17 pm // Reply

    Roflol, when are you ever going to get along with people? Welcome home!

    Like

  12. I don’t think this is fair. Like he said it’s not like he killed anyone. The justice system is not fair to black and brown folks. Why does he have to stay in Va. How is he supposed to provide for his family. This judge just wants to humiliate Chris.

    Like

  13. Its about damn time! End the abuse..all he does is abuse women. I doubt he will change; because he first has to admit his guilt…and he doesnt want to.

    Like

  14. Catherine Stansbury // July 11, 2018 at 11:56 am // Reply

    He need to grow up and help another person struggling. Grow up silly acting rabbit

    Like

  15. It’s says right in the header “Virginia’s most trusted satirical news site” Doesn’t anybody read past the headlines? SMH

    Like

  16. This is super fake guys. Why would chris brown plead guilty to assaulting a photographer? Also, court hearings do not happen this fast. He was arrested not even a week ago. Y’all need to research first. Lol

    Like

  17. This is so fake ya’ll, it’s obvious, especially how they mention Lowery’s and how he said “do you know how hard it was to get out of Tapp the first time?”. It’s a very small river town, the kind of town where everyone knows everyone. If you were a local you’d get it. NNK <3<3<3

    Like

  18. Hahaha this article is just a joke guys! They are poking fun at little Tappy Town! Besides, we don’t want him back!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: