WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — After pleading guilty to felony assault of a photographer dating back to an altercation in a Florida club in early 2017, singer and entertainer Chris Brown has been sentenced to five years of living in his hometown of Tappahannock, Virginia. Hillsborough County Judge Charles Cooper felt Brown’s prior felony assault conviction in 2009 for the beating of Brown’s then girlfriend Rihanna as well as his many other run-ins with the law since warranted a more creative punishment. “The kid has to learn, one way or another, how to behave and handle himself,” Cooper commented afterward, while going into detail on aspects of the sentencing.
“He’ll be wearing an ankle bracelet that will keep him confined within the Tappahannock city limits. We converted a room in the old Debtor’s Prison into a small cell where he’s required to reside, and he’ll be eating at Lowery’s Seafood Restaurant every night. The punishment fits the crime.”
Sources within the courtroom confirmed that Brown pleaded with the judge after the sentencing was announced, claiming the decision was on par with capital punishment. “Do you know how hard it was to get out of Tappahannock the first time? It’s not like I murdered an entire family or anything.”
Another source close to Brown revealed that he is planning to contact human rights group Amnesty International to raise awareness of the harsh sentencing.
Be sure to swing by our online shop before going back to cat memes or whatever it is you’re doing today.