RICHMOND, Va. — Following its owner’s purchase of two new bumper stickers, an RVA bumper sticker has been sentenced to life between an OBX sticker and CrossFit sticker.
Sources confirmed that Richmond resident Jared Forg had purchased two new bumper stickers for his Nissan Xterra, an oval OBX sticker and a sticker depicting the logo for his CrossFit gym. Upon returning home he quickly applied the stickers to the car’s back windshield, placing them directly over and to the side of the once lonely RVA sticker. In remarks made to the The Peedmont, the RVA sticker considered this act “degrading.”
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“I’ve been on this car for about 4 months now,” the RVA sticker reported. “This windshield was a class act. Simple, sleek, and bold. Now it’s a trash-fire of jumbled interests and conflicting geographies.”
Like many RVA stickers, Forg’s saw its place on his car as a point of pride and was disappointed to become just one of a plethora of ultra-typical Virginia 20-something iconography. “I guess it just makes me feel really basic,” the RVA sticker elaborated. “Like I was picked because he’s seen us around, not because he values living in a burgeoning metro hub with deep historical roots.” The new bumper stickers appear to be built to last, and it seems the three can expect to spend the rest of the vehicle’s lifetime together.
When reached for comment, the CrossFit sticker only grunted and the OBX sticker remarked “Wake me up when it’s BEACH WEEK BRAH!”
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